Too Many Wanders (Rewrite)/transcript

Transcript
Episode Aired: February 2, 2007

Episode Copyrighted: 2006

This episode is rated TV-Y7.

The episode begins in the cave with Lisa working on a strange machine with a blowtorch.

Lisa Loud: Almost finished. *finishes and lifts up the protective mask* Finished.

Lana then enters.

Lana Loud: What are you doing, Lisa?

Lisa Loud: I have completed one of my greatest inventions. A cloning machine!

Lana Loud: Cool! *tries to touch it but Lisa stops her*

Lisa Loud: Uh, uh, uh! Don't touch it! Aw, such a wonderful invention I have created.

Lana Loud: I wonder if it really works.

Lisa Loud: We shall find out when the time is right. But for now... *covers the machine with a blanket* just so it doesn't get dirty. All of this hard work has made me hungry. I shall go get a snack.

Lana Loud: My snack is in my nose. *picks my nose*

Squidward Tentacles: *disgusted* Ew, gross.

Lisa Loud: *disgusted* Disgusting.

Lana Loud: You should try it, Lis. It's good.

Lisa Loud: I would never consume my own mucus.

Lana Loud: Oh well. More for me. *picks my nose more*

Squidward Tentacles: *to Lana* What are you doing?

Lana Loud: I'm picking my nose.

Lisa Loud and Lana Loud *leaves the cave*

Cuts to Sylvia running and screaming. Wide shot to reveal she is chasing a squirrel around a tree.

Sylvia: This...is...nuts!

Wander: *dangles from a branch* Oh, good idea! Squirrels love nuts! *to the squirrels in the tree hole* Excuse me, ma'am, but would you happen to have any peanuts that my companion and I might use to entice your frightened little one home and back into the warm embrace of his lovin' family? *wraps my arms around himself and falls from the branch onto Sylvia* Oh, there he goes!

Lincoln Loud: Hey guys!

Cuts to reveal a rather dangerous looking cave, which the squirrel scurries into. Thunder and lightning strike and scary music is heard.

Wander: I'll save you!

Lincoln Loud: Well, I'm heading to that cave!

Sylvia: Lincoln, no! I don't like the looks of that cave!

Lincoln Loud: I know, but if something horrible happens to that little guy, I'd never forgive myself.

Sylvia: But what if something horrible happens to you? Lincoln? No. No. NO!!

Wander: Sorry, I love you! *laughs*

Lincoln Loud: *grabs Wander and runs into the cave*

Sylvia: *sighs* Love you, too, buddy, but why is there this part of you that always has to do the wrong things for the right reasons?

Lincoln is heard screaming in horror offscreen.

SpongeBob SquarePants: LINCOLN!!! *runs into the cave but stops short*

Wander: *offscreen* This is amazing!

Lincoln Loud: *offscreen* This is horrible!

Sylvia: Oh, thank grop he's okay! I'm gonna throttle him! Lincoln is in the cave with Wander!

SpongeBob SquarePants: THAT'S IT, SYLVIA! I'M GOING IN THIS CAVE!

Sylvia: SpongeBob, no! *walks ahead*

When she disappears from the shot, the squirrel runs down the hill, then cuts to Squidward's house.

Female Fish 1: *offscreen* Excuse me, sir! Sir! *onscreen* Stop exhaling! You're infecting the air! *throws a toothbrush* Brush your teeth or I'm calling the cops!

Squidward Tentacles: *spits out toothbrush, appearing to be in my mouth* Some people these days. *hears noise* What's that noise? *sets up beach chair* Probably just that idiot, Lincoln. *sets down table* I am not going to let him ruin my relaxation day. *lays on beach chair*

Scene cuts to SpongeBob on walkie-talkie.

SpongeBob SquarePants: *into walkie-talkie* Am I nearing the target, Mr. Star?

Patrick Star: *into walkie-talkie* You're almost there. Just a little bit further.

SpongeBob SquarePants: *braces into ball* This is it. *into walkie-talkie* When do you think I land in the… *lands on corner of kiddie-pool, spilling the water* I thought you said I was almost there.

Patrick Star: *into walkie-talkie* I wasn't talking to you. I'm looking at the most majestic of all the jellyfish. Look at him go. Oh, It's Lincoln.

Camera cuts to the inside of the telescope, where a jellyfish is swimming smoothly yet quickly.

Patrick Star: Whoa! Look at him go!

Squidward Tentacles: Keep it down over there, starfish! *turns on radio* Those imbeciles are not going to prevent me from relaxing. Whatever I do, they're not going to spill water over my head.

Lincoln Loud: *opens the door, water coming* Dang it.

Abundance of water falls over Squidward's head.

Sylvia: Lincoln, what have you done with those Wanders?!

Lynn Loud Jr.: Oh, she gets it. You're the one that always runs off and does stuff even though Sylvia told you not to and you grabbed Wander to the cloning machine!

Lincoln Loud: *falls onto Squidward* Hey, Squidward. You should really get the cloning machine.

Squidward Tentacles: *angrily stands up and kicks the beach chair away, to Lincoln and points at him* This is your fault!

Lincoln Loud: Don't worry, Squidward, I'll help you!

Squidward Tentacles: No, I will ask you kindly to clean up your mess up in the first place!!

Lola Loud: Yeah, if you hadn't made that stupid Wanders, This never would have happened!

Lincoln Loud: What do you mean?

Squidward Tentacles: I don't want your help ever again!

The heroes except Wander and parents start scolding Wander for the mess she created.

Leni Loud: Guys! Please don't be too mad at Lincoln! She made a machine that resembles a sauna and Lincoln made Wander clones and then even more.

Lincoln Loud: No problem, Squidward.

Squidward Tentacles: Moron.

Scene cuts outside of the cave.

Sylvia: Lincoln, what have I asked you about runnin' off like that? Promise you will never do that—

Sylvia lifts the head of "Wander" only to reveal he is making a rather sinister face. This version of Wander runs away and laughs.

Sylvia: Hey, what did I just say?!

Suddenly, a whole army of Wanders tramples all over Sylvia. When she comes to, she notices a whole bunch of Wanders running around displaying different traits.

Wander 2: Never hurts to help!

Wander 3: Let's go!

Wander 4: Yeah!

Wander 5: This is great!

Sylvia: What is going on?!

Sleepy Wander: *yawning and walking out of the cave* Hey, keep it down out here. I'm tryin' to sleep—Zzzzzzzz... *walks back into the cave*

Cuts inside the cave.

Sylvia: *charges inside and looks around* Lincoln!

Cuts to reveal a blank-stared original Wander standing on the spot we saw him standing on earlier.

Sylvia: *trips on a rock and sees him* Lincoln? Lincoln!

Sleepy Wander trips on Sylvia and jumps onto the original Wander's spot and disappears only to reappear on a prism.

Sylvia: What is going on?!

Nerdy Wander: The indigenous crystals have fractured the varying facets of my persona and liberated them, sending them traipsing over the countryside, hither and yon. Time is of the essence. If the personality fragments are not reunited expeditiously, the original specimen will disappear.

Slide transition to Squidward's house.

Sylvia: Lincoln, why did you put Wander on the cloning machine?!

Lincoln Loud: I don't know, I was with Wander.

Sylvia: You were with Wander? You got bad luck for all of us, Lincoln! I'm going! *snorts*

Lincoln Loud: Sylvia's right, I got bad luck for all of them. *sighs*

Wander clones: *ruins the ramp wood*

Ramp wood crashes into Squidward's house, destroying it.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, at least we're safe and sound.

Plank of wood crushes Squidward.

Squidward Tentacles: *lifts plank of wood begins to growl* Lincoln, you... *face turns red, begins to grow in anger yet becomes zen and gets angry* HAVE SET EVERYTHING INTO PERSPECTIVE. YOU HURT SYLVIA'S FEELINGS.

Sylvia: *gets angry* YEAH, YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING, LINCOLN. NOW, YOU HAVE TO PAY.

Patrick Star: What does that mean?

Squidward Tentacles: *in Patrick's face* It means that you have made me realize something I should have done long ago. *stretches arms out into distance* I need to leave this dead-end town for somewhere more classy. Somewhere where I can find solitude from the common folk. *to self* Or even simpletons like you three.

Lincoln Loud: *holds Squidward's legs* No, Squidward. You can't leave. Think about all of the stuff you'll be, leaving behind. Your house. Your friends. The Loud House. The Krusty Krab.

Squidward Tentacles: I got to get rid of Wander clones.

Slide transition. The heroes go to Lisa and Lily's room.

Lori Loud: *knocks on the door* Lisa, open up!

Lisa Loud: Can't right now! Very busy!

Lori Loud: Lisa, open this door right now or I will literally break it down!

Lisa Loud: I strongly recommend that you don't!

Lori Loud: That's right, you asked for it! *barges in*

Lori and other siblings become shocked at multiple Wander clones in Lisa and Lily's room.

Lincoln Loud: Lisa, what's going on?

Lisa Loud: It seems that Wander the cloning machine from that cave as indicated on the machine's cave. But 1 Wander has already disappeared.

Lola Loud: Just look at Wander clones. Leni, just get rid of Lincoln.

Leni Loud: No, Lincoln is my friend. My best brother.

Lori Loud: Yeah because it seems that Wander has disappeared with the first clone.

Lisa Loud: Oh no! Well we can't let him find out about the Wander clones.

Wander 2: I know, right?!

Wander 3: Me too!

Wander 4: Me too!

Rest of Wander clones: Me too!

Lisa Loud: Quick, close the door!

The heroes close the door. The clones try to leave the room but Lisa blocks their way.

Wander clones: *in unison* Come on, Lisa. Let us out! You too, Squidward!

Lisa Loud: No, you have to stay here!

Wander clones: *in unison, chants* Let us out! Let us out! Let us out!

Overly-Dramatic Wander: FOR-EV-ER!!! *pretends to die*

Sylvia: Okay, wait, so if he's him, and he is him and you're him, then that means that they are also him but if I don't get him and you and him back into him then he won't be him anymore?!

Nerdy Wander: In an inarticulate garbled manner of speaking...yes.

Sylvia: Thanks. That's all I needed. *grabs Nerdy Wander and places him over Wander Alpha and he reappears in the prism* Not so smart now, are ya?

Squidward Tentacles: Yeah, we have to get all Wander clones to the prism.

Sylvia: Good idea, Squidward.

Nerdy Wander: *claps sarcastically*

Sylvia then grabs Overly-Dramatic Wander.

Overly-Dramatic Wander: Noooo! Is this the end of Overly-Dramatic Wander? *disappears and reappears in the prism* And scene.

[scene cuts to Krusty Krab]

Mr. Krabs: [sitting at table talking to customer] So many people may not know this, but make sure that you spend less than you make. That way, you save more green.

Customer 1: What does green mean?

Mr. Krabs: You know. Dough. Clams.

Customer 1: Oh, you mean money.

Mr. Krabs: No. I'm talking about...

Scene cuts to Lincoln at Squidward's legs.

Lincoln Loud: Please don't go, Squidward. *holds up a portrait of Grandma Tentacles* Your Grandma.

Squidward Tentacles: *looks back and takes portrait* Aw, Grandma. *silence* I don't care. *throws portrait away* I am perfectly independent, meaning I can make my own decisions, and I decide that I am leaving. [yanks legs from SpongeBob's grasp] Final...choice! [begins walking away]

Leni Loud: Let him go. He needs his distance. I think. Wander's his own clones now. A clone who needs the machine looked at.

Wander clones: Hey Squidward.

Squidward Tentacles: What the?! *screams*

Scene cuts to Squidward, walking abruptly down the sidewalk.

Squidward Tentacles: Now I have no home. No money, and now, I'm walking down a street. *camera pans out to the road, showing loads of cars* During rush hour. Can this get any worse? There’s too many Wanders.

Wander clones: Hey Squidward.

Squidward Tentacles: *screams* GET AWAY FROM ME, WANDER CLONES!

Car runs over a large puddle of water, heading toward Squidward.

Squidward Tentacles: *ducks water* Ha! I'm not getting hit with water again.

Wander 1: *puts mud on Squidward’s face*

Squidward Tentacles (face covered with mud): *screams*

Male Fish 1: Do you mind if I rinse my mouth here, sir?

Squidward Tentacles (face covered with mud): Not at all.

Male Fish 1: *drinks water and begins to gurgle; spits water out* Thank you, sir. *gasps*

Squidward Tentacles (face covered with mud): Well, it looks like it really can get worse. *tears male fish's shirt off, wiping off face* Thanks for nothing. *throws shirt down and stomps away*

Male Fish 1: What did I do?

Squidward Tentacles (face covered with mud): *walks to Builderman*

Builderman: *gets angry* SQUIDWARD, GET AWAY FROM ME YOUR DISGUSTING FACE!

Squidward Tentacles: It was those Wander clones who threw mud in my face.

Builderman: *punches Squidward in the face and gets angry* SHUT UP, SQUIDWARD! I HATE YOU! I DON’T WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN! *walks away from Squidward*

Slide transition to Squidward, walking down a Sandy field with the sun beating down on him.

Squidward Tentacles: Woo! *wipes off sweat* It's getting kind of hot. What I wouldn't do to have that sweet lemonade from earlier today. *stopped by glass of lemonade on ground* Ooh! Just my luck! *attempts to lift the lemonade glass* Seems to be a little stuck. *attempts to lift glass, only to fall onto the ground* This glass must be rigged! *kicks glass, causing the lemonade to spill out*

Director Wander: Cut, cut, cut! *begins to take down a large portrait of a Sandy landscape with a setting sun; more human and fish walk away with boom microphones and scripts*

Squidward Tentacles: What in coral caverns is going on here?!

Director Wander: What is going on here?! What is going on here is you getting in the way of the shooting of the biggest movie of the year in the city!

Squidward Tentacles: How exactly did I get in here?

Director Wander: That's what I would like to know!

Screen cuts to outside of the movie building, where Squidward is kicked out onto the sand.

Director Wander: Now stay out of this building! *slams the door shut*

Builderman: *punches Squidward in the face*

Squidward Tentacles: *brushes off self* Some people. *continues walking* I better continue walking before it gets dark.

Screen cuts to Squidward, sitting on the sand, in the darkness.

Squidward Tentacles: Who knew that it could turn from complete sunlight to complete darkness in five minutes. I wonder how this could have happened.

Screen cuts to the surface where a seagull is flying in front of the sun.

Seagull: Whoa, Gill. You were right. Sun-tanning does feel good. Now how long am I supposed to do this for?

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Oh, until you're fully roasted. *holds fork behind him*

Screen cuts back to a now walking Squidward.

Squidward Tentacles: It's quite dark down here. *crosses arms* Why be frightened, Squiddie? You're a grown squid. No need to be frightened anymore. Besides, nothing here can be scarier than living next to SpongeBob, Patrick and Lincoln.

A large light appears in Squidward's face.

Squidward Tentacles: Hello. Is anybody there?

Wander clones: *appear with flashlights*

Wander 1: Hey look! There he is!

Wander 2: Are you the one they call Squidward Tentacles?

Squidward Tentacles: The one and only.

Wander 1: Then, you have arrived at your destination. Welcome to Wander clone's Castle. *steps out of way out building, revealing a large hotel*

Squidward Tentacles: It's just what I've been looking for!

Wander 1: It's just what we've been looking for. *places arm around Squidward* Squids have been coming here to stay for centuries, and it was just restored. We've been expecting you, Mr. Tentacles. Allow me to show you to your room.

Squidward Tentacles: Thank you, kind sir. *walks toward hotel with Wanders* Whoa. A hotel full of squid just like me. I think I could get used to this life.

Slide transition to the inside of Wander clone's Castle.

Wander 1: And here, we have the room service office. It's where all of the room service squid come to serve each and every squid staying here. Just dial one and they'll come right away.

Squidward Tentacles: Never got that kind of service at the Krusty Krab and I worked there.

Wander 1: Here is your room, Squidward. *opens door to a large hotel room*

Squidward Tentacles: Whoa. This is beautiful! *rushes over to a compartment* It even has a compartment designed especially for clarinets! This place has it all!

Wander 1: Have a nice stay, Mr. Tentacles. *closes door yet leaves it open slightly* You'll find out the secret soon enough. *closes door*

Squidward Tentacles: *leaps into bed and places myself under covers* I think I'm going to like it here. *turns on side, yet is awoken by strange metal tapping* If the racket ends anytime soon. Keep it down out there! *turns back on side* Well, no one ever said paradise didn't have it's ups and downs.

Slide transition to the next day, where Squidward wakes up, brushing his teeth.

Squidward Tentacles: *spits into sink and stops water* That should teach that lady. *walks out of bathroom* Time for another glorious day. *taps sound occurs; sighs* Again? Must be cleaning or something. *stomach begins to growl* Hmm...I guess I skipped dinner yesterday. I'm starving.

Slide transition to Squidward, ordering room service.

Squidward Tentacles: *on phone* Yes, a pancake platter with... *looks at menu* three slices of kelp bacon. *hangs up phone* Shouldn't be but a half an hour.

Waiter Wander: Breakfast is served.

Squidward Tentacles: Or half a second. *takes off tops* Oh, sir. I only ordered the pancake platter and three strips of kelp...

Waiter Wander: Consider it as an "enjoy your stay" breakfast meal. [hears tapping sound] Sorry if that sound disturbed you, Mr. Tentacles. They are...uh...fixing some broken pipes.

Squidward Tentacles: But I thought they said this place was restored.

Waiter Wander: Uh...working out the...uh...kinks...I guess. *runs out of room and laughs*

Squidward Tentacles: Strange. But who am I to care?! *begins to chow down the big breakfast meal*

Slide transition cuts to a full Squidward lying on his bed.

Squidward Tentacles: Woo! That meal was a doozy. I am fuller than...something that gets...well...full. I guess I should take a nap to digest the... *falls asleep*

Wander clones: *appears in room and lift Squidward onto a stretcher*

Wander 3: Just as we thought he would do. Wait until he wakes up and see what he's in for. *giggles*

Wander 4: Shh... *giggles* You'll wake him.

Screen cuts to Squidward, waking up on a wooden board.

Squidward Tentacles: Hey? Where am I? Why is it so dark? Why am I on a wooden board?

Wander 5: *steps out of dark* I will be happy to answer all of those questions. *takes out knife and fork* Do you really think that Wander clone's Castle is a hotel? Didn't you notice any unusual signs?

Squidward Tentacles: Well, now that you mention it...the metal clinging might have been knives chopping into... *gasps* ...squid. This isn't a hotel! This is a restaurant!

Wander 5: Precisely! A Chinese restaurant for squid! Why do you think we gather so many squid? Didn't you even notice the weird behavior? *scoffs* Our waiter is so busy.

Squidward Tentacles: So that's why you fattened me up. Or at least made me gain a couple of pounds. So that there would be enough Squidward to go around?

Wander 5: Yep. Prepare to the biggest thing on the menu, Squidward. *to other Wanders* Wanders, get him!

Wander clones: *runs toward Squidward*

Squidward Tentacles: *screams*

Screen cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln and Leni, outside of Wander clone's Castle.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I think he went in there, guys.

Lincoln Loud: Huh?!

Leni Loud: What makes you say that?

Lincoln Loud: The name is...never mind. *grabs Leni's shoulders*

SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you ready to make our big entrance, Patrick?

Patrick Star: Ready-ing the ramp. *throws last plank of wood onto the ramp* The ramp is...uh...ready...

SpongeBob SquarePants: *appears to be on ramp* Okay. No mistakes, buddy. I have to land in the kiddie-pool. No water shall be spilled this time.

Leni Loud: Got it, Spongy and Linky. You're clear to fly. Or to skate. Or to launch. Or...

SpongeBob SquarePants: I got the memo, buddy. *begins to skate down ramp, launches into air, and begins to fall to kiddie-pool* Time to land. *lands on the side of kiddie-pool, spilling the water* Again, Patrick?

Patrick Star: But the jellyfish is back again. *jellyfish flies in front of Patrick* So graceful.

Lincoln Loud: Guys, he’s coming out.

Squidward Tentacles: *screams and runs out of Wander clone's Castle*

Cuts to reveal a bunch of signs saying, "No!" all pointing to the cave. Troublemaker Wander makes his way to Wander Alpha, only to be grabbed by Sylvia.

Sylvia: Gotcha!

Troublemaker Wander: *struggles*

Sylvia: Are we sure about this? 'Cause my life is pretty crazy with this one in it. *sighs, to Wander Alpha* But it'll be so much worse without you. * throws Troublemaker Wander into Wander Alpha who springs back to life*

Lynn Loud Jr.: You’re doing it, Sylvia!

Sylvia: I know, Lynn.

Wander Alpha: YEEEEEEEE-HAW!!

Sylvia: Wander? Are...are you okay?

Wander Alpha: I'm more than okay, I'm perfect! Now come, trusty steed, it's time to stop that heartless evildoer Lord Hater once and for all! Hyah!

Sylvia: Wait, what? Stop?

Wander Alpha: Yes! I am a good guy and he is a bad guy and I stop him!

Sylvia: No no no no. The Wander I know wants to befriend Hater, not stop him. Wait. Why are all these other Wanders still up there? Something's not right.

Zen Wander: *points downward to an empty prism*

Sylvia: Wander, that crystal has no reflection. We're still missing some part of you.

Wander Alpha: That's okay. I'm a lot better off without it! Let's go go go!

Sylvia: No. I've learned my lesson. Every part of you is important. *puts Wander Alpha back on the rock and discovers a rather Helpless Wander behind some crystals, who stares at her worryingly*

Zen Wander: The helper seeks to help others because he knows what it is to be helpless.

Sylvia: Hey, little guy. It's okay, I won't hurt you. Come on. *takes Helpless Wander in my arms*

Helpless Wander: Home…

Sylvia: *puts Helpless Wander back into Wander Alpha causing all the reflections to disappear and getting Wander back to normal as he sheds a tear*

Wander: Thanks, Syl. That was the most important part.

Sylvia: Oh, I forgot to destroy the cloning machine. *destroys the cloning machine* There. That’s better.

Crossfade to later that night.

Wander: *helps Lynn block the cave with a giant rock* Whew! I wouldn't want someone else to go through what I went through.

Sylvia: And everything’s back to normal.

Lynn Loud Jr.: Lincoln, I’m very sorry I was angry at you, Lincoln.

Lincoln Loud: It’s okay, Lynn.

Lana Loud: Siblings forever?

Lynn Loud Jr.: Siblings forever.

Lynn Jr. and Lana Loud: *hugs Lincoln*

Lincoln Loud: Aw, thanks guys!

Slide transition to Squidward and Fish 5.

Fish 5: Time to cut you down to shape. *water washes onto Fish 5, flooding the hotel room and bringing them outside* It’s just Wander.

Wander: Hey, Squidward.

Squidward Tentacles: *runs toward Patrick, and SpongeBob and Lincoln jump next to Patrick, Leni, Lynn, Lana, Lola and Lisa* I'm...sort of...glad you guys are here. I never thought I'd say that.

Patrick Star: Neither did I.

Lincoln Loud: Welcome back, Squidward. Now let's get out of here.

Fish 5: Not on my watch! *stands up* Time to cut you all down to size. *throws fork and knife at the gang*

Lisa Loud: Jump!

SpongeBob SquarePants, Squidward Tentacles, Patrick Star, Lincoln, Leni, Lynn, Lana, Lola and Lisa Loud: *leaps away from the fork and knife*

Fish 5: Ha, pesky fish! *holds up another knife and fork* Nothing can stop me now.

A wooden cage falls over Fish 5.

Fish 5: Fiddlesticks.

Squidward Tentacles: Wow! Something that you guys actually did saved my skins....literally. Now everything can go back to normal. *exhales*

Female Fish: *throws toothbrush into Squidward's mouth* Brush your teeth, you fleabag! *walks away*

Squidward Tentacles: Or at least partially normal.

Lola Loud: Thanks, Squidward.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Partially normal.

Slide transition to the Loud House in Lincoln’s room, he’s sleeping with Squidward.

Squidward Tentacles: Go away. *turns off the light in black screen*

* It says “THE END” Episode ends*