BlackJack the Criminal/transcript

Previous Episode: Leni No Pay

Transcript
Episode Aired: August 5, 2006

Episode Copyrighted: 2006

This episode is rated TV-Y7.

The episode begins inside Patrick’s rock. He vigorously searches for something in his closet.

Patrick Star: Come on! It’s gotta be around here somewhere!

After throwing out a couple of bowling pins, SpongeBob’s Diary and some silly string, Patrick finally finds what he was looking for………. a rock.

Patrick Star: There it is!

Patrick then lifts the cushions of his couch and takes out a music record called “THE MUSIC OF SUPERFLUOUS STUPIDITY.” Patrick carries this record and the rock.

PATRICK: This is gonna be epic! *gets a taquito out of my fridge and puts it into my oven*

He then inserts the record into the record player.

Squidward Tentacles: *sits in my gallery about to finish up a self-portrait of my happy face made entirely of pointillism* Self-Portrait #10,963, you are very!

Patrick’s record begins blasting loud and heinous music. As Patrick prances around in his big rock while holding the small rock.

Squidward Tentacles: *gets startled by the loud music and ruins my last dot turning it and several others into an ugly smudge* Noooooooooo! No! No! Nooo!

Squidward then slams his paintbrush to the floor angrily.

Squidward Tentacles: PATRICK!!! *gets up to go pummel Patrick*

The loud music causes his house to begin bouncing and shaking.

Squidward Tentacles: Woah!

After being sent into some paint cans and into his 64 page opus about the art of octopus.

Squidward Tentacles: *tumbles down his staircase with a shrill scream*

Patrick Star: *shakes my butt while continuing to peacefully prance around with the rock*

Squidward Tentacles: *tumbles into my living room*

After getting up, he slips on a discarded ice cube and slams into his vintage 1980’s radio.

Patrick Star: *french kisses his rock and makes romantic comments to it*

Squidward Tentacles: *manages to exit my house*

The music causes muddy sludge in Squid’s rain gutters to pour right on top of him.

Patrick Star: *slow dances with the rock and then begins tap dancing with it*

Squidward Tentacles: *finishes cleaning the sludge off of him with my garden hose and has finally had it*

Before Patrick could do the closing dance.

Squidward Tentacles: *arrives* Patrick! *tries to enter the rock but bumps into plastic wrap blocking the doorway*

After tearing it down with his hands.

Squidward Tentacles: *takes Patrick’s record and snaps it in half* ENOUGH!!!!!

Patrick Star: Oh hey Squidward! I was dancing!

Squidward Tentacles: With a rock?!

Patrick Star: Yeah! It sure makes a great partner!

Squidward Tentacles: *facepalms and then screams in a fit of extreme stress*

Patrick is shocked and then says about his breath

Patrick Star: You want some toothpaste? I got a tub in my medicine cabinet.

Squidward Tentacles: NO!!! I have had it with you! I have had it with SpongeBob! You’re lucky he is in Acapulco!

Slide transition to the heroes were in Lori and Leni's room all hanging out and playing games.

Lincoln Loud: *to the viewers* There's nothing better than spending quality time with the ones you love. It's good to know that everyone loves you, and it is always good to have you around.

Luan Loud: *yawns* So, anybody know what games we should play tonight?

Lucy Loud: *pulls out a scary board game* I've been dying to try this new game out.

Lana Loud: Hey! Let's all have a pillow fight! Things get quite rough!

Lola Loud: How about something that's less violent?!

Lori Loud: I know, I literally played this game with Lincoln before, we try to do our best imitations of someone for fun!

Lincoln Loud: *gasps* Great idea Lori!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, imitations!

Lana Loud: Arr. I'm gonna find me money!

Luan Loud: *does an impersonation* That's literally one of the best things I've heard, but give me a second, I need to talk to Bobby Boo-Boo Bear. *laughs*

Luna Loud: *does an impersonation* I'm like totally going to win this game, like really!

Lucy Loud: *does an impersonation* I should go eat a sandwich, all that sports playing made me hungry.

Lynn Loud Jr.: *does an impersonation* Hey dudes! I hope to pull off the perfect stage dive at a Mick Swagger concert! *laughs*

Lola Loud: *does an impersonation* Well, it's time for me to pull off my great operation that needs a shorter name! Then I'll try to have some fun, and make sure my sisters never get involved! Afterwards, it turns out they're all having more fun without me, time to go back to finding some dream jobs!

Lincoln could tell that Lola was doing an impersonation of him, and began to feel a bit sad.

Lola Loud: *notices Lincoln* Lincoln? I'm only joking!

Lori Loud: Yeah, we're just having fun!

Mr. Krabs: It's just fun, boy!

Lincoln Loud: Oh no no no, it's not that. I just need to use the bathroom.

Lincoln slowly walks out the door, but when he takes a look back, the sisters all go back to having fun.

Lincoln Loud: *looks upset, then enters the bathroom and sighs* No... It can't be, and I'm going to prove it tomorrow! But, Squidward and Patrick are at the rock!

Time card reading "The Next Day"

French Narrator: The next day…

Lincoln Loud: *walks out of my bedroom* Okay Lincoln, today, you're going to try and make sure you're no black sheep. I just hope I'm really not...

Lynn Loud Jr.: *approaches Lincoln* Hey Lincoln, you wanna help for a minute and pump up my soccer ball? *shows him her flat soccer ball*

Lincoln Loud: *to the viewers* Time to prove I'm no black sheep. *to Lynn* Alright sister, you want me to help you out? Let's go. *goes downstairs with Lynn*

Outside, Lincoln tries to pump up the soccer ball, but it doesn't seem to be going up. This goes on for a while, but still nothing.

Lynn Loud Jr.: *starts to get impatient* Seriously bro, are you having trouble pumping a soccer ball?

Lincoln Loud: *laughs nervously* All in due time! *pumps harder* Come on, you stupid thing! Pump up the soccer ball!

Lynn Loud Jr.: *sighs* I can find someone else to do it since you're clearly having trouble with this.

Lincoln Loud: No! I got this!

Lynn Loud Jr.: *pushes Lincoln aside, and successfully pumps up the soccer ball* And by someone else I meant myself.

Lincoln Loud: *sighs* Whatever. *sadly leaves, and heads back inside the house*

Screen cuts to SpongeBob relaxing in a chair.

SpongeBob SquarePants: *relaxes in a lawn chair on one of Alcopulco’s vast beaches.

He sips on some coconut juice, puts his sunglasses on and lounges back.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Livin’ the dream!

Back at Pat’s rock.

Squidward Tentacles: And you have pained me so the very very last time!

Patrick is still confused.

Patrick Star: *confused* So…. if you want no pain… then you want no gain?

Squidward Tentacles: *angrily snaps Patrick’s small rock in half and screams again* YOU ARE UNDER HOUSE ARREST!!!

Squidward then marches out of Patrick’s rock grumbling. He slips on a banana peel and gets even more angered.

Patrick Star: House arrest?!

Screen cuts to Leni quickly approaches him holding two dresses. SpongeBob and Yellow runs to Lincoln.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Lincoln, Leni needs your help.

Yellow Rectangle: Talk to her.

Leni Loud: Linky! I need an opinion, which dress fits me better, the left one or the right one?

Lincoln Loud: *to the viewers* Like right now. *to Leni* Well Leni, how ab-

Leni Loud: Wait, the right one is like such a better fit for me!

Lincoln Loud: But Leni!

Leni Loud: *runs upstairs with my dress*

SpongeBob SquarePants and Yellow Rectangle: *leaves*

Lincoln Loud: *sighs* Nevermind.

Lisa Loud: *runs downstairs* Lincoln, will you be able to clean my test tubes for my latest experiment?

Lincoln Loud: Of course Lisa, I mean, how hard can it be?

Lincoln is shown trying to clean the tubes.

Lincoln Loud: *struggles* Why are they so thin?!

Lisa Loud: *approaches Lincoln and takes the test tubes* Nevermind, I can clean them I have some time to do it.

Lincoln Loud: *sighs* Whatever you say Lisa. *exits the room, only to be approached by Luna*

Slide transition cuts to Squidward marching in front of Patrick’s rock while wearing a military hardhat. He is making sure that Patrick cannot escape his rock and cause him more pain. Patrick thinks to himself in his Kitchen.

Patrick Star: How am I gonna escape this? I need to go grocery shopping! And tend to my weeds!...... And my new plant was given to me by my friend Mari that she named juana! Or are they combined? *gets up and decides this* I must dig myself out! *digs into my closet again*

He eventually finds an iron shovel.

Patrick Star: Aha! *begins digging myself out*

He hits something.

Patrick Star: Freedom!

The object doesn’t budge.

Patrick Star: Darn it! Why isn’t this thing budging?!

Up above is Mr. Krabs who is super gluing and camouflaging his hardened black pot full of gold and other riches so nobody will find it.

Mr. Krabs: Take that bill collectors! Arrgh! Arrgh! Arrgh! Arrgh!

Slide transition to Lincoln and Leni.

Leni Loud: *shocked, finds Lincoln* Linky! Is that you?!

Lincoln Loud: *notices Leni, stands up and smiles* Leni, it's me.

Leni Loud: *hugs Lincoln tightly with tears pouring down my face and cries* Where have you been?! We've been worried sick about you!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hi. It's me, SpongeBob SquarePants.

Lincoln Loud: *hugs Leni* Leni, it's okay, I'm here now. I've talked about it with Luna, you don't have to worry anymore.

Leni Loud: Worry about what?

Luna Loud: Lincoln felt unwanted and we're going to make sure that never happens again.

Lincoln Loud: Yeah.

SpongeBob SquarePants: *gasps* BlackJack!

In the flashback, BlackJack is chasing SpongeBob and Yellow's parents.

BlackJack SquarePants: *evil laughs and chases SpongeBob and Yellow's parents*

Margaret SquarePants: Harold, Bob, he's gaining on us! We have to run faster!

Harold SquarePants: Oh no!

Yellow's Mom: What are we gonna do?!

Yellow's Dad: Help!

SpongeBob and Yellow's Parents: *screams*

Ends of flashback.

SpongeBob SquarePants: BlackJack is evil, Leni! Evil!

Leni Loud: *sniffs* I just feel so bad that we made you leave because of that!

Lincoln Loud: Oh Leni, I understand how you feel. But it's okay, we're going to make sure that doesn't happen again. *hugs Leni* I'm just so happy I'm finally home with the heroes I love.

Leni Loud: *voice breaks* Thank you! *kisses his cheek*

SpongeBob SquarePants: Aww, hugs! *hugs Lincoln*

Luna Loud: *joins in the hug*

Yellow Rectangle: Where's Patrick?!

Luna Loud: He's at the rock.

Lincoln Loud: And where's everyone else?

Luna Loud: They're all looking for you right now.

Lincoln Loud: Well, let's go meet up with them.

Leni Loud: *smiles* Yeah let's go do that.

Back with the others, they were still waiting.

Luan Loud: Oh look! Here comes SpongeBob and Yellow's family, Luna and Leni now!

Lynn Loud Jr.: I wonder if they know anything about where Lincoln is!

SpongeBob, Margaret, Harold SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle, Yellow's Mom, Yellow's Dad, Luna and Leni Loud: *smiles at the others*

Lana Loud: Well?

Margaret SquarePants: We found him!

Others: *gasps* YOU DID?!

Lincoln Loud: *comes in front of SpongeBob, Margaret, Harold, Yellow, Yellow's Parents, Luna and Leni, then lightly waves* Hey guys.

The rest of the heroes gasp and hug Lincoln tightly.

Mr. Krabs: *to Lincoln* Mr. Lincoln! I can't believe it's actually you!!

Lana Loud: Yeah!

Lola Loud: I made you feel this way!

Margaret SquarePants: Oh, I'm so sorry, Lincoln! You made you feel unwanted!

Lincoln Loud: And I'm sorry for running away. I should've just told you guys how I felt.

Leni Loud: It doesn't matter now that you're safe and sound!

Lincoln Loud: *tears pour* SpongeBob, are we friends?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, because we're friends.

Leni Loud: *smiles* Yay, we're best friends forever.

The heroes all give Lincoln a tight group hug.

Lola Loud: Hey Lincoln? I was wondering, could you help me and Lana with homework?

Lana Loud: Yeah! It's really hard to do!

Lincoln Loud: *smiles* Sure guys, anything at all.

Yellow's Mom: Now come on, let's all go home.

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, of course. Arrgh! Arrgh! Arrgh! Arrgh!

Slide transition to Patrick's house.

Patrick Star: *returns to my house after having no luck* Phooey!

After sitting on his chair, Patrick comes up with another idea.

Patrick Star: I have to get specific!

Squidward Tentacles: *sits on my lawn chair with a sun reflector to my face still guarding the rock and its prisoner*

Patrick Star: *peeks out for a few seconds before throwing a food can across the street*

Squidward Tentacles: *sees the can and then recognizes it* Canned Bread! *walks across the street to inspect it*

Patrick Star: *begins shuffling out* Home free!

Patrick then loudly bumps into his mailbox having been looking at Squidward.

Patrick Star: Barnacles!

Squidward Tentacles: *notices Patrick and chases him with a rake to get him back into his rock prison, then continues to guard*

He begins getting hungry.

Squidward Tentacles: I’m so hungry!

Squid then hears the tone of an ice cream truck.

Squidward Tentacles: Durrrrr…… Screw it! *leaves my post*

Since he cannot resist ice cream. Patrick had called his other friend, who is an ice cream truck driver. Pat begins running. Some kids are about to get their ice cream….. until Squidward walks up with a Jason mask and a chainsaw. He starts it.

Squidward Tentacles: Ooga Booga Booga!

Kids: *runs away screaming*

Squidward Tentacles: *ditches my scare equipment and pays in full* Your finest blueberry! With sprinkles!

Patrick then rushes up realizing that his friend is an ice cream truck driver.

Patrick Star: I’ll get the same! Only bigger!

Patrick then drops his mouth and looks to see an angry Squidward looking at him while tapping his foot.

Squidward Tentacles: *finishes confining Patrick to his sand chair with rusty chains* Your luck has just ran out! *walks off while Patrick is on the brink of tears. Before he could give up, Patrick then gets an idea that he can use with his tears. *continues to sunbathe (sunburn) outside*

He then hears a sharp cry come from Patrick.

Squidward Tentacles: Ignore it Squidward…. ignore it. *tries to shrug this off but the cries eventually begin to annoy me*

He finally slams his sun reflector to the ground and stomps into the rock.

Squidward Tentacles: What are you babbling on about now you pathetic sociopath?!

Patrick Star: I soiled my pants!

Squidward Tentacles: So?!

Patrick Star: I need to change my trunks!

Squidward Tentacles: They’ll dry!

Patrick Star: And stink up my house! The aroma could also spread outside. And to your house!

Squidward Tentacles: *mumbles angrily and eventually unlocks Patrick’s chains*

He stands up.

Squidward Tentacles: Make it snappy!

Partrick Star: For an idiot of my caliber, I will make this snappy! And I am an idiot mind you! *sprays Squidward with my perfume*

He stole from his grandmother.

Squidward Tentacles: Aghh!

Patrick Star: *runs out of my rock and sees the road to escape* Freedom! *crosses the street*

Squidward Tentacles: *climbs out of the rock with my rake* NOW YOU’RE DEAD! *runs for Patrick*

Both then hear the honk of a bus.

Squidward Tentacles: AAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Squidward is hit by the bus and sent flying to nowhere. The mushroom cloud of a nuclear explosion then sounds and appears far off in the distance.

Patrick Star: Sweet relief! Glad my rock is now finally free again! Including myself!

Patrick’s rock then bursts into a tower of fire. He forgot to take the tequito out of the oven.

Patrick Star: Drat!

The scene cuts to Patrick in nightwear walking up to somebody offscreen with a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste in both hands.

Patrick Star: First, second or third moller Squidward? We’re going to be roomies for a while!

Squidward is shown laying down in his bed with a cast and a mean look on his face.

Squidward Tentacles: Criminal!

Patrick Star: I'm not a criminal, Squidward!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, if you're not a criminal, then who's a criminal?!

Yellow's Dad: *points to BlackJack* It's BlackJack!

BlackJack SquarePants: *evil laughs*

Lincoln Loud: *screams* He's a criminal!

Lola Loud: Yeah, blame the criminal!

Yellow's Mom: I told you, Bob, that was the criminal's fault.

Yellow Rectangle: The criminal?

SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: Criminal.

BlackJack SquarePants: I'm gonna get you, Yellow. *evil laughs*

Screen cuts to Yellow.

Yellow Rectangle: YAAHHH-

Screen cuts to BlackJack.

BlackJack SquarePants: YAAHHH-

Screen cuts back to Yellow.

Yellow Rectangle: YAAHH-

Screen cuts back to BlackJack.

BlackJack SquarePants: YAAHH-

Screen cuts back to Yellow.

Yellow Rectangle: YAAH-

Screen cuts back to BlackJack.

BlackJack SquarePants: YAAH-

Screen cuts back to Yellow.

Yellow Rectangle: YAA-

Screen cuts back to BlackJack.

BlackJack SquarePants: YAA-

Screen cuts back to Yellow.

Yellow Rectangle: YA-

Screen cuts back to BlackJack.

BlackJack SquarePants: YAAHHHH! *tries to punch Yellow but gets shrunk and a little punches Yellow's foot*

Yellow Rectangle: *laughs* That tickles.

All: *laughs*

Patrick Star: Blackjack got shrunk.

All: *laughs*

BlackJack SquarePants: *keeps a little punching Yellow's foot*

It cuts to black background and it says “THE END” Episode ends.