Vacuum Doofus/transcript

Next Episode: Chilli Cheese Puffs

Transcript
Episode Aired: July 26, 2008

Episode Copyrighted: 2008

This episode is rated TV-PG-D.

Episode starts with Squidward vacuuming and cleaning up.

Squidward Tentacles: *sighs* Let the madness begin.

Lincoln Loud: It's vacuum day!

Squidward Tentacles: Lincoln!

Lincoln Loud: *takes away from Squidward*

Squidward Tentacles: Moron.

Lincoln Loud: Don't wish me luck, Squidward, I don't need it. *rides a bike, then takes the vacuum cleaner*

Slide transition to the Loud House in the living room.

Lincoln Loud: I'm home, Leni. And vacuum cleaner.

Leni Loud: Lincoln, where did you get this vacuum cleaner from Squidward?

Lincoln Loud: I got to give this Lori if she's here.

Leni Loud: Okay.

Lincoln Loud: SpongeBob?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, a vacuum cleaner. Can I keep it?

Lincoln Loud: No thanks, SpongeBob. I gotta go. *goes upstairs with Squidward's vacuum cleaner*

Lola Loud: Lincoln, my room is filthy. You should clean up my room. And where's Squidward's vacuum cleaner?

Lincoln Loud: I got the vacuum cleaner. *goes to Lana and Lola's room, then uses it, cleans up the room* All cleaned. *goes back to the hallway, then leaves*

Lola Loud: *smiles* Thanks, Lincoln.

Screen cuts to Lincoln and Lori.

Lincoln Loud: Hey, Lori.

Lori Loud: Hey Lincoln.

Lincoln Loud: What do you say? Let's get this party started.

Lori Loud: Don't touch it, Lincoln.

Lincoln Loud: Aw, come on, Lori. I'm just giving to you.

Lori Loud: Do it like I said, Lincoln.

Lincoln Loud: What? *touches Squidward's vacuum cleaner*

Lori Loud: No, Lincoln, don't touch the vacuum cleaner.

Lincoln Loud: *touches Squidward's vacuum cleaner again*

Lori Loud: *angrily* LINCOLN! WHAT DID YOU TOUCH?!

Lincoln Loud: Yeah. It's a good thing too. It's Squidward's vacuum cleaner. Here, have a vaccum for you.

Lori Loud: *angrily* No, Lincoln! Don't push that!

Lincoln Loud: *pushes the vacuum cleaner*

Lori Loud: *screams*

Vacuum cleaner crashes on Lori, and gets swallowed by her. Slide transition cuts to the Hospital.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): *wakes up in the hospital*

Lincoln Loud: Hey, Lori. How are you feeling?

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): Oh my god. What happened to me?

Purple Doctorfish: I'm afraid you've had a serious accident. *pulls down a slide showing the inside of a human* It seems when you got crushed by a vacuum cleaner, you ruptured your inflation sack. *pokes the human and turns it into a vacuum cleaner*

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): Oh no! Will I ever be myself again? I'm a vacuum cleaner!

Purple Doctorfish: *flips over paper on clipboard* Umm no, my dear, I'm afraid you'll never be a human again.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): *gasps*

Lincoln Loud: Hm, from now on, I guess we'll have to call you Lorrie! *laughs nervously*

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): *growls and the images of Lincoln in my eyes explode, then leaps at Lincoln holding his nose*

Lincoln Loud: Lori, what are you doing?!

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): This is all your fault!

Lincoln Loud: I'm sorry, Lori! *laughs* That tickles!

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): Why can't you just talk to Bobby for the rest of my life?!

Purple Doctorfish: *offscreen, pokes Lori with a needle*

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): Oh. Ohh. *falls down*

Purple Doctorfish: *screen appears, holds a needle* There! That should help her relax.

Lincoln Loud: Sheesh! I don't know what she is so upset about! *puts arm around Purple Doctorfish* I think she looks better this way! If I always say, it's-

Purple Doctorfish: *pokes Lincoln with a needle as also*

Lincoln Loud: Ohhhh. *also falls out*

Purple Doctorfish: *holds a second needle* Yes. Everyone needs to relax.

Slide transition back to the hospital.

Lincoln Loud: *holds flowers then knocks on Lori's room door and opens it* Hello, Lori. Are we feeling any better?

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): *growls*

Lincoln Loud: I see you got the flowers I sent.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): Yes. I'm allergic to them and you!

Lincoln Loud: Ah, this room is so dark and depressing! *walks over to the window* You need sunlight! *opens the window causing the sunlight to burst in also causing the flowers in the room to bloom*

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): *sneezes, then turns on but turns off* Ow.

Lincoln Loud: *pushes a wheelchair* Come on, Lori! You need to get out of this stuffy, old room!

Mrs. Puff: I'm not leaving this bed!

Nurse Robloxian: Sorry Lincoln, your sister Lori is a vacuum cleaner and she doesn't feel well. *leaves*

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): *gets lifted off the bed and onto the wheelchair* Whoa!

Lincoln Loud: Up and at 'em! *pushes Lori down the hall* Y'know what will make you feel better, Lori? A nice peaceful stroll! *whistles, but then the alarm goes off noticing doctors pushing people on wheelchairs*

Male Doctor: Clear the way! Injured coming through!

Another doctor pushes a guy on a bed and the head Doctor gets stopped by Lincoln.

Lincoln Loud: Excuse me! Doctor! What's up with those guys?

Purple Doctorfish: Oh, it's nothing serious. Just a motor from this week's Vacuum Derby! Come check out the carnage! It's actually quite entertaining.

Lincoln Loud: *pushes Lori to the window and notices a bunch of guys crashing into each other*

Purple Doctorfish: Pretty gruesome, huh? You gotta hand it to those guys! Risking their lives for our amusement!

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): *thinks* Risking their lives for our amusement? *has a thought bubble of Lincoln getting crashed by four guys then dying*

She is still talking in thoughts.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): I could finally be rid of Lincoln! *spoken* Forever! Ha ha! And I mean that in the worst possible way! I could turn Lincoln into a human pretzel! *evil laughs*

Lincoln Loud: What's so funny?

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): I just thought of a way that you could earn extra credit!

Lincoln Loud: Hooray!

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): *evil looks* Yes, hooray indeed!

Slide transition back to the Loud House.

Lincoln Loud: *takes Lori* Okay, Lori, tell me again how to use it.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): I will turn you into a human pretzel once and for all. *evil laughs*

Leni Loud: *gasps* A vacuum cleaner! *uses Lori the vacuum cleaner*

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): Leni, what are you doing?!

Leni Loud: I'm just cleaning up.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): LENI! *screams*

Leni Loud: *cleans up with Lori the vacuum cleaner*

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner): *coughs* Leni, what did you do to me? *sneezes, turns on but turns off* Dang it. *faints*

Leni Loud: Aww, poor Lori. She doesn't feel well because she's a vacuum cleaner.

SpongeBob SquarePants: We should see a doctor.

Leni Loud: Okay, I'll change. *runs upstairs, then runs back downstairs to be a nurse* The doctor is in.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Cool nurse outfit, Leni.

Nurse Leni Loud: I'm a nurse. Let's check Lori's heart inside the vacuum cleaner.

Lincoln Loud: Good idea, Leni.

Nurse Leni Loud: *fixes Lori's heart and upgrades the robot arms and legs* There, all done.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Lori, now how are you feeling?

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): I'm pretty good. *evil laughs*

Slide transition to the Demolition Derby.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): *laughs and comes out of the office with SpongeBob, Lincoln, Leni and a fish* So what do you say Captain Lutefisk? Will you enter them in the derby? For old times sake?

Captain Lutefisk: Well, Lori old sister! I wouldn't be where I am today without your phone. *walks over to Lincoln* But I don't know. He looks kinda soft. *pushes down on SpongeBob's head*

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): *looks can be deceiving! Observe! Here Leni. *takes out a steering wheel* Hold this. *gives Leni the steering wheel*

She suddenly starts to "drive" off and crashes.

Captain Lutefisk: Whoa-oa-oa! That kid's a natural!

Leni Loud: *returns and stops "driving"*

Captain Lutefisk: But she's going to need a scarier identity. Derby's all about image! *snaps, then takes off shoe then socks and uses a pair of scissors and starts cutting up the sock and puts it on SpongeBob's head*

SpongeBob SquarePants: Look out, extra credit! Here I come!

Lincoln Loud: We’re ready, Leni!

Leni Loud: Yay!

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): Heh heh, yes! "Extra credit!" *evil laughs*

Slide transition to a crowd cheering in a stadium.

Captain Lutefisk: Welcome to the Bikini Bottom Vacuum Derby! Allow me to introduce our contestants!

Camera switches to a giant, muscular purple in a shark-like boat.

Captain Lutefisk: First off, fegin of crossing guards everywhere: The Kruncher!

Crowd: *cheers for The Kruncher*

Captain Lutefisk: And from the darkest depths of the brivin' blue: Diving' Bell Dale!

Diving' Bell Dale: *pounds my chest*

Captain Lutefisk: And of course, you know and admire: Blow Torch!

Blow Torch: *breathes out fire*

Captain Lutefisk: And the funniest driver of all: The Cackling Cruiser!

The Cackling Cruiser: *laughs*

Captain Lutefisk: Now with introductions out of the way… *notices SpongeBob, Lincoln and Leni drive up between the Kruncher and Blow Torch*...Oh! I almost forgot! *laughs* The Squish!

The Kruncher: Hey, Le Squish looks pretty "tough." *looks down at Lincoln* Maybe we should give up now.

The Kruncher and Blow Torch: *laughs alongside the crowd*

Which then Lori shows up laughing maniacally.

Captain Lutefisk: Ok drivers! Start yer engines! And let the destruction begin! *waves flag*

The Kruncher, Blow Torch, Diving' Bell Dale, and The Cackling Cruiser: *drives off*

Then The Kruncher then prepares to crash into Lincoln.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): I can't look! Wait, yes I can!

Lincoln Loud: *notices the Kruncher driving at me, screams* Ahhh!

The Kruncher: *ends of driving into Lincoln's mouth which causes me to stop in mid air* What the hay? *gets send crashing into the wall by Lincoln*

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): What? This is not going well…

Lincoln Loud: Huh?

SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *notices Diving' Bell Dale driving toward us*

SpongeBob Squarepants: Oh, dear. I think I'm in that fellow's way.

Leni Loud: *turns the key as Dale gets closer* Engage turn signals. *turns on turn signals as Dale gets even closer* Adjust mirrors. *adjusts mirror as Dale is even closer now*

Lincoln Loud: Hands at ten and two, and finally floor it.

SpongeBob laughs and the back wheels on Leni’s car spin fast causing dirt to fly at Dale's helmet which blinds them.

The Kruncher: *drives out of hole in the wall* Oh, what happened?

He notices Dale swerving around and he eventually crashes into him.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): What is wrong with you guys?! Squash the Squish! *notices Blow Torch ramming Lincoln into the air* Yes!

Blow Torch: *laughs and snorts*

SpongeBob, Lincoln and Leni fly out and back into the water and one of her back wheels lands on Blow Torch's face. Lincoln then pushes the gas pedal causing him to literally run off Blow Torch's face.

Captain Lutefisk: Oh! Ooh! Le Squish turns it around with a rare face trend maneuver!

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): *cries*

SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *notices all of the drivers surround us*

Lincoln Loud: Lori! What should we…

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): Why... are you still... ALIVE?!

Lincoln Loud: Put her in drive? Thanks, Lori, you're the best!

SpongeBob, Lincoln and Leni try to put it in drive and The Cackling Cruiser crashes into him from behind, but he bounces off the wall and back into the Cruiser causing him to crash into the wall and his wheels fall off.

SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *goes flying over The Kruncher who then crashes into The Cackling Cruiser*

SpongeBob, Lincoln and Leni then avoid Blow Torch, Diving' Bell Dale, and some unknown driver which they all end up driving into a fish on a boat. All of the wreckage starts flying by Lori and the crowd which they look in awe.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): Curse you, Lincoln!

Leni is still driving her car.

Lincoln Loud: What's that Lori?

Leni is about the drive into Blow Torch.

Blow Torch: *laughs* I got you this time, guys!

SpongeBob, Lincoln and Leni end up driving up the front of her car and then Blow Torch crashes.

Leni Loud: *goes flying back in the other direction*

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): This is it! Ha ha! Yes! Huh?

SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *ends up on top of the wreckage still intact*

The crowd then cheers for them.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): If you want someone demolished, I guess you have to demolish them yourself! *pushes down Fred and appears in a Vanzilla wearing a helmet and jumpsuit* Not so fast! There's one more challenger! I'm The Huff Vacuum Cleaner! *drives toward SpongeBob, Lincoln and Leni*

Then at the crowd she starts to drive away from the derby. She then notices the crowd on her windshield.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): You're blocking my view!

Turns on the windshield wipers and knocks the people off her windshield.

Leni Loud: Guys, she's gaining on us!

SpongeBob SquarePants: What are we gonna do now?!

Then she continues to pursue SpongeBob, Lincoln and Leni laughing evilly as they start driving around the course.

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): *evil laughs*

Then they drive to Mrs. Puff's Boating School.

Mrs. Puff: *sleeps* Huh?! They're heading to boating school?! Nooooooooo!

Lori, Leni, SpongeBob and Lincoln drive right into Mrs. Puff's boating school, destroying it.

Mrs. Puff: *inflates*

And then they drive to the Barg'N-Mart.

Fish: *offscreen* They're heading to the Barg'N-Mart!

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): *evil laughs*

SpongeBob SquarePants: Keep driving!

Everybody: *screams in panic*

As crashes until the whole store collapses.

Fred Rechid: My leg!

Finally, as they drive to the Krusty Krab.

Mr. Krabs: *screams* THEY’RE HEADING TO THE KRUSTY KRAB!

Lori Loud (Vacuum Cleaner with robot arms and legs): Hah hah hah! Huh?

She, Leni, SpongeBob and Lincoln drive right into the Krusty Krab at the front door, destroying it in the process.

Lincoln Loud: Lori! It's you!

Squidward’s vacuum cleaner breaks then Lori is back to normal.

Lincoln Loud: And you're a "human" again! Now everything's back to normal!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Right!

The Krusty Krab collapses on them.

Lori Loud: Yes, perfectly back to normal.

Squidward Tentacles: Lincoln, you've ruined my vacuum cleaner. *cries*

Lincoln Loud: It's okay, Squidward. We'll buy a new one.

Slide transition to the Loud House.

Lincoln Loud: Here's your new vacuum cleaner.

Squidward Tentacles: Thanks, Lincoln.

Lincoln Loud: You're welcome, Squiddy.

Squidward Tentacles: Please, don't call me that. Now, leave me alone. *leaves*

Lincoln Loud: Bye Squidward. Well guys, everything's back to normal.

Lori Loud: Yeah, I'm sorry for ruining the Krusty Krab.

Lincoln Loud: It's okay. Can you forgive me?

Lori Loud: I forgive you, Lincoln. *hugs Lincoln*

Lincoln Loud: *hugs Lori back*

Leni Loud: *with puppy eyes* Aww, I love you. *hugs*

SpongeBob SquarePants: Now, we're back in business, guys.

Mr. Krabs: *screams, offscreen*

Screen cuts to Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Me restaurant! I'm ruined! *sobs*

SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: How am I going to me office. *runs away, breaking the front door, then offscreen* Me restaurant.

Screen cuts to the broken front door.

Leni Loud: Aww, poor Mr. Krabs.

Lincoln Loud: Leni, we promised Mr. Krabs we wouldn't have any that promise. Totally back to normal.

Screen fades to black and it says “THE END” Episode ends.