The Expect Smart Actually/transcript

Next Episode: Reef Blower

Transcript
Episode Aired: May 1, 1993

Episode Copyrighted: 1993

Episode Produced: 1991

Note 1: Line in red is cut in Italy.

Note 2: Line in blue is cut in Indonesia.

Note 3: Line in maroon is cut from the 1993 version.

This episode is rated TV-Y7 for The Expect Smart Actually Season 1. This is the first episode of The Expect Smart Actually.

The episode opens with a slide transition, and we see trees. The camera zooms to initiate parallax scrolling, which reveals the city. It continues zooming to show a brown rock, a Moai head, and a pineapple, which each contain inhabitants.

French Narrator: Ah, the world... so fascinating. So wonderful. Here, we see the city, teeming with life.

It zooms in on Yellow's House.

French Narrator: Home to one of the yellow house, Yellow Rectangle. Yes, of course he lives in the yellow house.

Screen cuts inside Yellow's house's bedroom. A cat is seen sleeping in the cat bed on the floor, a canary is seen in a birdcage and a math guy, humanoid rectangular prism is seen sleeping in his bed.

Master Yellow Rectangle: *sleeps*

Yellow's alarm then beeps.

Yellow Rectangle: *wakes up, but is unaffected by the annoying sound, and with a smile on my face, turns it off, then yawns and gets off my bed* Today's the day, Katty.

Kathold Flix Jr. The Cat: *meows*

Yellow Rectangle: Look at me, I'm Yellow Rectangle. I'm heading outside.

Screen cuts outside of Yellow's house.

Yellow Rectangle: *goes outside*

Screen cuts to Red's house.

Red Rectangle: *goes outside* Hey Yellow!

Yellow Rectangle: Hey Red! We’re heading to the Loud House!

Screen cuts from left to right Patrick's, Squidward's, and SpongeBob's houses. It zooms in on SpongeBob's house.

French Narrator: Home to one of my favorite creatures, SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes, of course he lives in a pineapple, you silly.

Scene cuts to the house's bedroom. A sea snail is seen sleeping near a pile of newspapers on the floor, a scallop is seen in a birdcage, and a young, optimistic sea sponge is seen sleeping in his bed, snoring as his foghorn alarm clock ticks. SpongeBob's alarm then sounds. He wakes, but is unaffected by the annoying sound, and with a smile on his face, turns it off. He climbs from his bed to a ladder, leading to his diving board.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Today's the big day, Gary!

Garold "Gary" Wilson Jr. The Snail: Meow.

SpongeBob SquarePants: *jumps on the diving board* Look at me, I'm... *jumps up, and leaves my underwear behind* ...naked! *lands inside his pants, then walks over to the exercise room*

His head pops out of the top of his pants.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Gotta be in top physical condition for today, Gary.

Gary The Snail: Meow.

SpongeBob SquarePants: *takes deep breaths*

He prepares to lift a barbell that is balanced by two lightweight stuffed animals. He sticks out his chest, but almost passes out because he can barely lift it. He drops it, and it makes a "squeak" noise.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready!!! *runs outside* I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready!

A dimwitted sea star's rock tilts upwards with him stuck to its underside.

Patrick Star: Go, SpongeBob! *falls* Whoa! *crash sound effect*

SpongeBob SquarePants: (1991 Version) I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!

Screen cuts to Yellow walking.

Yellow Rectangle: (1991 Version) Welcome to The Expect Smart Actually! *jumps in the air as the scene freezes and a title reads The Expect Smart Actually*

Narrator: (1991 Version) The Expect Smart Actually! It shows Yellow running through various landscapes, as it shows a frozen scene of Yellow with SpongeBob standing in front of the Loud House the scene unfreezes and then the episode continues as normal.

Yellow Rectangle: *runs down the street to the Loud House* There it is. The beautiful home: The Loud House, home of the Loud family.

French Narrator: Aw, the Loud House. The 11 year old boy, Lincoln, of course lives in his room. I wonder what Lincoln’s up to?

Screen cuts inside The Loud house's Lincoln’s bedroom.

Lincoln Marie Loud: *wakes up, yawns, to the viewers* Today’s my day! *puts my clothes on* Which is why I give you...

As he speaks, a caption with the following words shows up.

Lincoln Loud: "Lincoln Loud's Three P's to go Poo and Pee". You're gonna need Patience, Perseverance, and most importantly, Problem Solving. With these three steps, you'll get into the bathroom every time. *starts straining* Which is important. Especially if you wait until the very last second to go! *busts out comic book* Into the breach! *heads out the door*

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Lincoln. We’re heading to the Krusty Krab!

Lincoln Loud: Yes! *sees Luna* Hey Luna!

Luna L. Loud: Hey bro, how's it going?

Lincoln Loud: I'm doing great!

Luna Loud: Thanks! See ya later, bro!

Lincoln Loud: Hey Leni.

Leni L. Loud: Hey Linky.

Lincoln Loud: Good to see you happy again, Leni.

Leni Loud: And it's all thanks to you, Linky! *hugs him tightly*

Lincoln Loud: ACK! Too tight! Too tight! We should head to the Krusty Krab!

Slide transition to the Krusty Krab.

SpongeBob SquarePants: *runs down the street to the Krusty Krab* There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating: The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty... with a Help Wanted sign in the window. For years I've been dreaming of this moment. I'm gonna go in there, march straight to the manager, look I'm straight in the eye *breaks the fourth wall and looks the audience in the eye* Lay it on the line and... I can't do this! *starts to run home, but Patrick, Lincoln, Leni, Yellow and Red stop me* Hey, guys-

Patrick Star: Where do you think you're going?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I was just…

Patrick Star: No, you're not. You're going to the Krusty Krab and get! That! Job!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I can't, don't you see? I'm not good enough.

Patrick Star: Whose first words were "May I take your order?"

Leni Loud: Like totes doing your job.

Red Rectangle: We're gonna work together as a team.

Yellow Rectangle: We're heroes, but heroes can do that job.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mine were.

Patrick Star: Who made a spatula out of toothpicks in wood shop?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I did.

Patrick Star: *grimaces and contorts twice while trying to come up with a good third line* Who's a, uh, who's uhh, oh! And who's a big yellow cube with holes?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I am!

Leni Loud: Who's ready?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready!

Patrick Star: Who's ready?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready!

Yellow Rectangle: Who's ready?!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! *runs toward the Krusty Krab*

An octopus is seen cleaning graffiti on the restaurant's windows and the oldest Loud sister is texting with her phone.

Squidward J. Q. Tentacles: *cleans graffiti of himself with the word "loser," sees SpongeBob, and sighs* Oh no, SpongeBob and Lincoln. What could they possibly want?

Lori L. Loud: Those two are heading to the Krusty Krab.

In background, at first while Squidward was talking.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! Go, SpongeBob! Go, SpongeBob! Go, SpongeBob! Go, self!

Lori Loud: *screams and runs inside*

Squidward Tentacles: *looks at the Help Wanted sign, screams, and runs inside*

While SpongeBob says, "I'm ready," one more time in the background.

Squidward Tentacles: Mr. Krabs!

Cuts to the ordering window, where a greedy crab is seen happily sniffing a handful of money. Squidward runs up to him.

Lori Loud: Mr. Krabs!

Squidward Tentacles: Hurry, Mr. Krabs, before it's too late, I gotta tell you- *interrupts by SpongeBob and Lincoln*

SpongeBob SquarePants: Permission to come aboard, captain! *deep voice* We've been training my whole life for the day I could join the Krusty Krew *normal voice* and now I'm ready! *trips on a nail stuck in the floorboard*

Lincoln Loud: Dang, SpongeBob is looking weird.

Yellow Rectangle: I know!

Red Rectangle: Ohhhh!

Mr. Krabs and Squidward look at each other. His fall causes him to bounce against the ceiling. SpongeBob shouts and blurts incomprehensibly while his bounces and ricochets around the building accelerate. He then rolls to a stop at the feet of Squidward and Mr. Krabs.

Lincoln Loud: So, uh, when do we start?

Eugene Harold Krabs: Well, lad, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. Krabs, please! I'll prove I'm fry cook material! Ask Squidward, he'll vouch for me. [Mr. Krabs and Squidward quickly walk away from SpongeBob]

Squidward Tentacles: *deep breaths* No.

Mr. Krabs: *winks*

They head back to SpongeBob and Lincoln, who look completely puzzled at what they're hearing.

Lori Loud: Shhh, Squidward, calm down.

Mr. Krabs: Well, lad, we'll give you a test, and if you pass, you'll be on the Krusty Krew. Go out and fetch me…

SpongeBob SquarePants: *takes out a notepad* a, uh, hydrodynamic spatula*

SpongeBob and Lincoln quickly jot down what they say.

SpongeBob SquarePants: With, um, port-and-starboard-attachments, *more scribbles* And, uh... turbo drive. *more scribbles* And don't come back ‘til you get one.

SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *puts a Krusty Krab crew hat on my head*

SpongeBob and Lincoln see how they look in a mirror, there are sparkles on his hat, and they have a huge, satisfied smile.

SpongeBob SquarePants: *salutes Mr. Krabs* Aye aye, captain! *reads* One hydrodynamic spatula, with port-and-starboard attachments, turbo drive, coming right up, sir!

Mr. Krabs: Carry on!

SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *leaves*

Mr. Krabs: We'll never see that lubber again.

Lori Loud: Beat it, twerp!

Squidward Tentacles: You're terrible. A hydro-what?

Squidward Tentacles, Mr. Krabs and Lori Loud: *laughs*

While Squidward laughs, his nose moves distinctly while he inhales and exhales. Mr. Krabs laugh sounds like a pirate. Lori laughs as well. As they laugh, SpongeBob and Lincoln are shown leaving the Krusty Krab. As SpongeBob and Lincoln fade out of sight, five buses drive toward the Krusty Krab from the opposite direction.

Bus Driver: Hey! Hey! Please! Passengers are to stay seated and not put their fins out the window!

The buses surround the Krusty Krab and the doors open and Mr. Krabs stops laughing.

Mr. Krabs: *gasps* That sounded like hatch doors! *sniffs repeatedly* Do you smell it? That smell... A kind of smelly smell... A smelly smell that smells... smelly... *my eyes widen* Anchovies.

Squidward Tentacles: What?

Mr. Krabs: Anchovies!!

The anchovies get out of the buses and rush inside the Krusty Krab, crowding, repeating the word "meep" over and over again.

Lori Loud: Please, please, quiet!

The Anchovies: *stops talking*

Mr. Krabs: Is this any way to behave, hmm?

Anchovy: Meep.

Squidward Tentacles: Could we show a little decency and form a neat, single file line in front of the register?

The anchovies stare for a moment, then pick up the boat, as their cries of "meep!" become more intense. Cut to Barg'N-Mart as SpongeBob and Lincoln enter.

SpongeBob SquarePants: *singing to myself* ♪Barg'N-Mart, meeting all of your spatula needs.♪

Lincoln Loud: SpongeBob!

Cuts back to the Krusty Krab. Squidward, Mr. Krabs and Lori are still in the boat register, and being tossed around like a ship in a storm.

Mr. Krabs: All hands on deck! Get your anchors out of your pants!

Squidward Tentacles: One single file line was all I asked!

Lori Loud: Literally!

Mr. Krabs: Whoa!

He, Squidward and Lori are thrown up in the air.

Mr. Krabs: Batten down the hatches, Mr. Squidward!

They get thrown back up again; the boat is in splinters.

Mr. Krabs: We're taking on water, Mr. Squidward!

They get thrown back up again, with Krabs clutching Squidward and Lori.

Mr. Krabs: I want my mommy, Mr. Squidward!

Cuts to Barg'N-Mart.

SpongeBob SquarePants: *sings* ♪Do do do do do do, spatula, spatula, port-and-starboard attachments.♪

Cuts back to the Krusty Krab.

Squidward Tentacles: Help!

Lori Loud: Help us!

Mr. Krabs: Man overboard! Climb, Mr. Squidward and Ms. Lori! Climb!

They climb the mast, while the anchovies try to get them down. The anchovies then form a big wave.

Anchovies: Meep! Meep!

Mr. Krabs: This is the end! Goodbye, Mr. Squidward!

Lori Loud: Mr. Krabs, this is literally our final goodbye!

Squidward Tentacles: Oh, Mr. Krabs!

They cry, then SpongeBob comes in with red lights flashing and flying with the spatula, singing a heroic tune.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Permission to come aboard captain! Da da da da da da da! Da da da da da da da da da da! Did someone order a spatula?

Squidward Tentacles, Mr. Krabs and Lori Loud: *stutters in shock at SpongeBob getting the hydrodynamic spatula*

SpongeBob SquarePants: That's right! One hydrodynamic spatula with *my two spatulas pop out on the sides of the previous one* port-and-starboard attachments! And let's not forget the turbo drive!

The two extending spatulas twirl around and smack Squidward, Mr. Krabs and Lori in the face.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Would you believe they only had one in stock? To the kitchen! *to the anchovies* Who's hungry?!

Lincoln Loud: *goes to the Krusty Krab* We are!

Tiny Tim's "Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight" plays while SpongeBob serves up Krabby Patty after Krabby Patty. Numerous Krabby Patties are launched through the order window to the hungry anchovies. Eventually, all of the anchovies are served and they leave on the buses.

SpongeBob SquarePants *blows the spatula*

Cuts to later.

Mr. Krabs: That was the finest fast-foodsmanship I've ever seen, Mr. SquarePants and Mr. Lincoln. Welcome aboard. *gives SpongeBob and Lincoln a name tag*

Squidward Tentacles: B-but, but, Mr. Krabs…

Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for SpongeBob and Loud! Hip-hip!

Squidward Tentacles: *weakly* Hooray, Mr.--

Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip!

Squidward Tentacles: *quickly* Hooray.

Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip!

Squidward Tentacles: *quickly* Hooray. Mr. Krabs--

Mr. Krabs: I'll be in my quarters, counting up the booty. *wheels a wheelbarrow piled with an enormous stack of cash to my office*

Lori Loud: *terrified* Lincoln, just keep that thing away from me! Lincoln! LINCOLN! *opens the front door and gets out of the Krusty Krab running out in horror and screams* AAAAHHHH!!!

Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *enters*

Patrick Star: Good morning, Krusty Krew!

Leni Loud: Hey, guys!

Squidward Tentacles: What would you like to order, Patrick and Leni?

Patrick Star: One Krabby Patty, please.

Yellow Rectangle: Hey, this is Pink, Blue and Orange.

Blue Rectangle: It's a tube of chemicals.

Orange Rectangle: Hello.

Pink Rectangle: Um, can I have a Krabby Patty please?

The instrumental to "Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight" starts playing. SpongeBob flies back to the kitchen, using his spatula, and a score of Krabby Patties is immediately fired through the servery, which collide with Patrick and send him flying out of the Krusty Krab. Cuts to Krusty Krab exterior; crashing noises.

Patrick Star: *screams*

Leni Loud: Patrick!

Squidward Tentacles: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs, come see your new employee!

* It cuts in black and it says “THE END” Episode ends*